Trust is so damning

Today it feels difficult to write - I am not sure why but it does. The last couple of days it has just poured out but today I feel stilted and and unsure. Is it the prospect of him coming round tonight? Is it my internal wrangle about trusting what he is proposing in terms of the car and the house and finances. Is it the dilemma over do I don't I want to know who she is, and what has really caused him to leave? Or can I just park all these things and carry on as normal. That's what I did before though. I carried on as normal and didn't question and inquire. I trusted too much. God I am such a Pollyanna I see the good in everything!

Don't get me wrong I do worry but my sense or commitment to seeing the good in people is at times is overwhelming and if I'm honest paralysing. I can't keep doing this - thinking everything will be ok. So here goes for my organising things when he's here and I am not (only in Mexico nothing more sinister please).

My list for him being in the house is as follows:

• no one here overnight - this is our family home and it needs to be treated with respect
• not to sell anything we bought during our time together without my express permission
• to take care of the animals 
• water the garden (front and back) every other day and all plants in the house once a week
• to fit keypad locks to the bedroom doors and study door
• to keep the place clean and tidy overall
• to bring over your computer and complete transfer of funds to my Dad's account and purchase of the car. I will then rest all passwords for Dad's accounts so you will be locked out of accessing them. 
• to update me on friends and family welfare